Fear and Create are Friends

Recently, while texting, a friend typed “fear”rather than “create”while discussing revealing a differside of oneself.

At first I laughed at the mistake, but the more I sat with it, the more it felt like life whispering something important:

Perhaps fear and creation have always lived very close together.

When I look back over my life, nearly every meaningful chapter began with fear standing beside me.

At twenty-seven years old, I loaded a U-Haul truck with everything I owned, placed my nine-year-old son and our dog into the vehicle, and drove from Edmonton, Alberta to Atlantic Canada to begin again.

People often call that brave.

What they do not see is that I was terrified.

Terrified of failing.

Terrified of making the wrong decision.

Terrified of not being enough for what waited ahead.

But I drove anyway.

Later, I climbed through the corporate world and became a Canadian Sales Manager. From the outside it looked successful, but eventually I realized success means very little if you no longer recognize yourself inside of it.

So once again, fear arrived.

And once again, life asked me to create something new.

Later.

I cooked professionally.

Sometimes for twelve people.

Sometimes for one hundred and seventy. Terror is an understatement!

Later I flew into remote Northern Ontario to cook at a luxury fly-in fishing resort surrounded by water, wilderness, silence, and stars large enough to remind a person they are still alive.

Fear came with me there too.

Recently, I returned to school later in life, completed a Pre-Health certificate on the Dean’s List, and began my Practical Nursing journey.

Do you think I was confident walking into those classrooms?

Absolutely not.

I questioned myself constantly.

Was I too old?

Too late?

Too broken?

Too far behind everyone else?

And even now, after writing blog posts from the deepest and most honest parts of myself, there are moments where I quietly wonder:

“Did I reveal too much?”

Fear still sits beside me sometimes.

But I no longer see that as weakness.

Because I am beginning to understand something beautiful:

Fear is often present right before we create a new version of our lives.

A new beginning.

A new dream.

A new boundary.

A new path.

A new self.

Maybe bravery was never about eliminating fear.

Maybe bravery is simply refusing to let fear make our decisions for us.

Maybe bravery is saying:

“I am scared… and I will live anyway.”

Life has taught me this repeatedly:

There is beauty and wisdom hidden inside almost every chapter we survive.

The heartbreaks.

The reinventions.

The detours.

The fresh starts.

The moments where we think we cannot possibly continue.

And then somehow… we do.

Not perfectly.

Not fearlessly.

But courageously enough.

So if you are standing on the edge of something uncertain right now, questioning yourself, doubting yourself, wondering whether you are strong enough to begin again, let me remind you gently:

You do not need to be fearless to be brave.

You simply need to take the next step.

Fear may walk beside you.

But so does bravery.