The opinions of others need not be “Believed.”

For the first few months of my separation, I stayed with my family and allowed myself time to breathe, reflect, introspect and grieve not only my marriage but also my family, friends and home. When I married, I adopted his family and friends and loved them. But although our differences were many, I could not and would not poison them with the anger that had consumed me through years of not allowing myself to be heard. I was the one unhappy with the marriage; I was the one who wanted more, and he was pretty content. So I told two dear friends I was leaving and not returning. My husband, at the time, didn't want to share the news with the rest of his family and friends. Not wanting to add to his anguish, I complied, leaving without a word and ignoring the screaming of my heart's need to say goodbye.

I secured a job that required me to live in, solving my accommodation needs. I had assumed some debt as part of the separation agreement and managed to pay it off quickly. I saved and scrimped money to put toward a home for myself. I healed, I meditated, I studied. For the first time in my life, I loved myself. I did things I loved to do simply because I enjoyed them. I discovered that I was the source of my joy and learned to simplify, find harmony, and see beauty in my existence. I learned of the magic of gratitude and saw firsthand how it could take a sad grey day and turn it into one filled with love, compassion and kindness. I felt healed, solid, secure, and optimistic about my future. I was genuinely proud of my accomplishments in the short time of my separation.

Then, with the tiniest touch of a pin, POP went my world; it was suggested that I was not "date" material as my financial circumstances were uncertain. My confident pride flew around the room like a balloon let go. In this fellow's defence, he was very open and kind. I appreciate his honesty and ability to have a challenging conversation early on. My initial reaction was, "Yes, you're correct. I can't dispute or argue the point." I was immediately pulled into my head and the insecurities of the "I'm not enough" rabbit hole of my past. Uncertainty is an understatement; most people have some established certainties they depend on for comfort. He could have highlighted that uncertainty itself as the reason for my undateability. In hindsight, it is just as well that he used finances as it lit a fire in me to share the rest of this story.

I was gutted. I liked this guy. He was lovely and thoughtful, and we shared the belief that life is better when we serve and give back to the community. Not to mention, he was a fantastic kisser. When we first discussed my situation and his concern, I suggested that he meditate on it, but secretly, I knew there was no hope; I was again that broken girl that no one wanted. I was the one no one chose; I was the one who fought to dig herself from the emotional and mental poverty of a life filled with abuse. But I did the work; I healed everything I could. He honed in on my Achilles heal my finances. Isn't that the way of nature? The lion doesn't go after the strongest gazelle; it looks for the weak, culling them from the healthy herd. 

I am the daisy growing beside the old dirt road; I’m a lotus sprouted in the muck and mire of the wasted swamp. I learn I live, I love, and above all, I thrive. The daisy is a simple and tenacious flower that conveys a constant cheer. The daisy has no finances, but her beauty is invaluable. The sky, sun, and moon are also dollarless, yet we could never exist without them. For a short time, I believed the man’s implied judgement that at least some of my value was defined by a dollar value. It is the depth of our souls that defines us, as does the strength of our spirits, our ability to love, forgive, and find beauty in our successes, and our ability to transform pain into valuable lessons.

Regardless of this man's intentions, I don't think he meant to harm me but rather to protect himself from a past hurt that had nothing to do with me. His reasons are irrelevant because I am not a vulnerable gazelle to be excluded from society without any worth to offer.

The opinion of others is not our business!

Please join me next time as I share a challenge and how I live it gracefully—or perhaps not so gracefully!